


That Guy

by Medeafic



Series: Captain Spanky Series [8]
Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Biting, D/s, M/M, Mild sadomasochism, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Scratching, implied controlling behavior, possible crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-07
Updated: 2011-02-07
Packaged: 2017-10-15 11:57:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/160595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medeafic/pseuds/Medeafic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys agree to an Honesty Policy, talk a lot, and go to a party.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Guy

"I still don't get it, man," Chris says.  They are sitting in Zach’s apartment, throwing a mini-football back and forth while Noah runs crazily between them, wanting in on the game.  Chris throws the ball as hard as he can, trying to get Zach in the stomach, but Zach catches it before it hits.  "If you wanted a relationship with someone, why didn't you pick one of your club sluts?"

"Don't call them that," Zach says.  He hurls the ball back, and Chris stops it just in front of his nose.  "That's not nice."  Noah barks in agreement, but quiets under a look from Zach.  
   
"Whatever.  So how come?"  
   
"Because hot sex does not a relationship make.  Also," Zach's eyes widen.  "Some of those people are really not right in the head."  He gives a faux-serious look at Chris, who snorts.

Chris throws again, aiming at Zach's crotch this time, because he's a jerk like that.  Zach catches it easily.  
   
"So how's this working for you?" he asks Chris.  
   
"The Honesty Policy?  Good, so far."  It was Chris’s idea, and Zach agreed that it might solve a lot of problems before they started.  Chris looks at him closely.  "Not that you've really answered my question yet."  
   
Zach blinks.  "I guess not," he concedes.  
   
"You're _very_ good at avoiding questions you don’t want to answer.”  
   
"Thank you.  It’s a learned skill."  
   
Zach throws the ball in a high arc.  Chris watches Zach watching him as he lifts his arms up to catch it, and the way his shirt tugs up to reveal a brief line of skin.  "Well?" Chris asks.   
   
"Well," Zach says, lifting his eyes back to meet Chris's.  "I tried.  I tried with a lot of different people.  Right at the beginning when I started dating, I tried ignoring what I wanted, and I was miserable.  I got dumped a lot for being such a fucking downer all the time."  Zach's mouth quirks in a smile, and Chris can see that the memory holds no pain at all for him now.  "And then I had one brief relationship where I cheated on the side with everything that moved.  I thought maybe I could screw it out of me.  But that made me feel so bad, I didn't want to be, you know, That Guy.  After I got comfortable with myself I tried something more traditionally leather, although that went…weird in the end too."  
   
"Were you allergic?" Chris asks acerbically.  But Zach’s words are echoing in his mind, _I didn’t want to be That Guy_.  Cheating is bad; pain is good.  Chris takes the time to admire Zach’s logic.  He tosses the football gently, a little short, and watches Zach move gracefully forward to grab it.  Noah gives up, lies down and sighs.  
   
"You know what I mean," Zach says.  "It was too much for me.  The guy was so clingy.  Wanted permission to get dressed, eat, take a piss.  It was exhausting."  
   
"You collared him?"  
   
Zach looks embarrassed, but amused.  "Oh, _Jesus_ , Christopher.  Yeah, I did.  It was all very earnest and touching and there was a ceremony, and two weeks later I wanted to leave him chained up to the bed just so I could get away from him."  
   
Chris starts laughing, nearly misses the ball when Zach flings it back at his head.  "Hey, at least you have a story to tell the kids."  
   
"Your approach to parenting scares me," is all Zach says.  
   
"So what else?"  
   
"Hmm.  After that I stuck with bedroom-only kink.  It was hard, sometimes, finding the balance, but–"  
   
"You have it down to a fine art?" Chris interrupts.  He pulls his arm back and throws a hard straight line right into Zach's waiting hands.  
   
"Nice one," Zach says.  "And yes, mostly now, I do.  Unfortunately that doesn't seem to matter to the kind of guys I like to have relationships with, though."  
   
"Except me," Chris prompts.  
   
"Except you."  Zach throws the ball up in the air and catches it himself a couple of times.  "Then there were times I still tried to hold back, with the pain stuff," he admits.  "Some of them started to think I was cheating on them because I was too distant.  Some of them were angry at me because I wouldn't talk.  Several of them goaded me into doing things and then they were too shocked to stay around much longer afterwards."  He looks at Chris, throws the ball to him.  "So I keep myself on a tight leash these days."

"It's just weird to hear," Chris says.  "You're so open about sex, usually.  I thought you were comfortable with yourself.  Totally."  
   
Zach shrugs.  "Most of the time, I am, but when I get serious about someone I can't help it – I start second-guessing."  
   
"So what about Mr. Six Months?"  Chris tries to do a one-armed over the head shot like he’s sinking a basketball, but the ball veers off-course.  Noah lifts his head, alert.  Zach lunges, tips the ball with his fingers and bounces it back into his hand.

He looks at the football, turns it around in his hands.  "I loved him," he says simply.  "He _put up_ with most of the stuff I wanted.  But in the end he left.  I still see him around sometimes; we have mutual friends.  It’s awkward.  You know, it was only when he was leaving me that I realized he’d thought he could – cure me."  Chris sees Zach's lip draw back briefly over his canines, a flash of disgust at either himself or Six Months.  He throws back.  Chris catches; throws again.

"You don't think like that, do you?" he asks, just to be sure.  He wonders what that conversation with Six Months had been like.  Recriminations?  Anger?  Or a dull acceptance on Zach’s part?  He doesn’t want to know.  "Honesty Policy," he adds, when Zach doesn't reply.  
   
"Very occasionally, yes, I think I might need to be cured.  When I wake up from a wet dream that’s more horror movie than porn, sometimes I wonder if I'm really doing as well as I think I'm doing."  He slings the ball hard at Chris.  It ricochets off his chest into his hands.  "But normally I just accept who I am.  What I am.  Doesn’t seem to be much point trying to change it."

Chris throws the ball absent-mindedly, and this time it’s Noah who triumphantly snatches it from mid air.  Zach laughs as he watches his dog run around the room, crazed with joy.  And Chris watches Zach.

  
***

  
“I can’t,” Chris says stubbornly.  Zach is smiling, shaking his head.  Chris can feel it although he can’t see it.  “Not without a gag.  I’m a screamer.  It’s just in my nature.”

“You can,” he says.  He has Chris pinned down underneath him, blindfolded and sticky with sweat.  He wants him to stay silent again, like he did the other day with the cane.

“I can’t do it.”  Chris is half begging now.  He can feel Zach push against him a little harder when he does.

“You certainly _can_ do it,” Zach says, and bites down on Chris’s nipple.  “I’ve seen you.”

“That was different,” Chris gasps.  “That was the cane.”

“So this will be easier.”

“I _can’t_.  I had something I was working towards then.”

“I know,” Zach says, scratching a hard fingernail down Chris’s bicep.  “And I still say you can.”  He licks at the scratch, and Chris shudders.  “I think you’re just being obstinate.”

“But –” Chris starts.

“Enough!  Be quiet.”  Chris would argue more, but he’s heard the note in Zach’s voice, which means, _Do not fuck with me or you will regret it_.

He closes his mouth resentfully and nods.  But he does love the sharp delineation between _out there_ in the world and _in here_ alone with Zach.  And – it’s kind of true, that if Zach thinks he can, he probably can.

“I like it when you do as you’re told,” Zach says.  He tweaks Chris’s nose, kisses it.  He’s playful tonight, which can be worrying, Chris has found.  “It’s very pleasing to me.”  Chris squirms in pleasure.  Zach scratches again, and Chris can feel the trail of pain running down his arm, close to the first one.  Feels Zach’s tongue tracing over it.

“What can we do with you,” Zach muses.  There’s a small repetitive sound and Chris knows that Zach is tapping against his own teeth thoughtfully with the same fingernail he used to drag scratches down his arm.  “I wonder,” Zach says, half to himself.  Chris hates it when Zach takes his time like this, because he already knows exactly what he plans to do; he just likes taking his time to watch Chris’s mind work over. 

Chris tries to shift, let his cock rub up against him, but Zach snaps, “No.  Be still.”  Chris earns a sharp pinch for his trouble, right near his armpit.  He nearly says “ _Ow!_ ” indignantly, but doesn’t.  There’s a whole world of _Ow!_ waiting for him if he talks right now.  “Don’t move unless I tell you.”

Chris sighs, gives up.

“Oh, hey, _I_ have an idea,” Zach says, as though he’s totally been struck by God.  “Since you seemed to like it so much the other day, how about if I don’t let you come?”

Chris jerks his head towards where Zach’s face should be, opens his mouth, and says nothing.

“I said, _don’t_ move.”  He pinches again and Chris grits his teeth.  “You were happy enough about it the other day,” Zach continues.  “‘Oh, that’s _fine_ , I got what _I_ wanted,’” he says, mimicking Chris in an exaggerated voice somewhere between valley girl and stoner.  Chris can’t help it, he smirks.  Zach pinches again.  Chris stops smirking.  “Yeah, let’s do that.  Since you _like_ it so much.”

Chris curls and stretches his toes and fingers to ease the tension.  It doesn’t seem fair, but Zach never does play fair if he can get away with it.  A third scratch down his arm, warm wet tongue, and Chris feels his cock jerk like it’s asking for attention.

Zach’s fingernail continues its trail, lightly now, leaving no marks, drifting over Chris’s chest, digging in at the nipple again.  Zach licks; Chris tries to hold himself still.  He’s so hard now that he thinks he might be leaking on himself, but he’s wet with sweat from Zach flogging him before they got to the bed, so it’s hard to tell.

“So here’s something interesting,” Zach says, and he sounds like he’s discussing his latest script reading.  “You can’t talk.  You can’t move.  And I can’t read your mind, can I?”

Chris shakes his head slightly, although sometimes, he could swear–

“And that means,” Zach says, and suddenly he’s gripping Chris’s dick firmly, “that it’s up to you to control yourself.  Mouth _and_ cock.”

Chris gasps for air and feels fresh perspiration break out on his forehead.  There is no way he’s up to this.  He’s pretty sure Zach will let him come eventually, but he has to last long enough first and if he doesn’t, Zach always has some fitting retribution to rain down on him when he fails a test.

But the rewards when he passes make everything worthwhile, so he will try.

“Well?” Zach asks, and Chris nods once, obediently.  “Good boy.”  He starts rubbing his cock slowly, and presses his lips to Chris’s temple, savoring his sweat.  “You taste nice,” he says.  “Salty.”  Chris shivers, and even though he’s not supposed to move, slides his hands under his own ass so he won’t be tempted to touch.  Zach lets it go.  He’s being nice tonight, for Zach, which only makes Chris more suspicious.

The problem, though, is that Zach knows exactly how to play Chris.  He bites into his shoulder while he does that _thing_ he does with his thumb over Chris's slit, and Chris bucks underneath his hand.  Another pinch as punishment, and then he’s straight back to the same thing.

Chris starts reciting nursery rhymes silently, tries to think about a calm blue ocean, tries to concentrate on anything except what Zach is doing.  He feels himself building up to an orgasm and his whole body stiffens, but Zach notices, and stops touching him immediately.

“You’re not being very good,” he says reprovingly.  Chris clamps his teeth together to stop them chattering.  He tries to look chastened, which is difficult with a blindfold.  Zach pinches him again in the same spot, hard, and the pain shoots through Chris’s chest and down his arm.

Zach licks at the sweat running down his face and makes a satisfied noise.  “Okay,” he says.  “Since you can’t control yourself like that, we’ll try it a different way.”

He pulls himself on top and rubs his cock up against Chris’s.  “That feels good,” he says.  “For me, anyway.  But then, I’m going to come, and you’re not.”

Chris’s skin is so wet with perspiration it’s like he’s emptied half a bottle of lube all over his stomach, and Zach is able to slide up and down comfortably.  He whispers in Chris’s ear about how beautifully slick he is and how much he wants to come on him.  Chris, panting, can feel his heart speed up and he tries again to think about anything except this.  He _wants_ to do what Zach has asked but –

Zach takes pity on him and stops moving.  “Calm down,” he says.  “Breathe.  Slow down.”  He rolls off again and Chris fights to regain control.

Zach scratches him again, and the pain helps.  “Are you enjoying it as much as last time?” he asks, his tone neutral.  “Oh, I guess you can’t tell me, can you?”  He tugs on the hair at the base of Chris’s cock, making him buck up again.  “You are being really, _really_ bad tonight Christopher,” he says, and Chris can hear the frown in his voice.  He’s ready for the pinch, but it doesn’t come.  Zach moves away in the bed.  “I was going to be nice and let you come after a while, but you really haven’t earned it.”

And for some reason, the tone in Zach’s voice, the disappointment, strikes right at Chris’s heart.  He feels like his head is buzzing.  His blindfold is getting wet; he can feel beads of water sliding out from under it.

“Are you _crying_?” Zach asks, rolling back next to him immediately.  He sounds incredibly fascinated, as though it’s a science experiment with an unexpected result.  Chris doesn’t move, doesn’t speak.  He wants Zach to know that he’s trying as hard as he can.  He feels hot breath on his face as Zach kisses his cheek.  “Mm, that’s interesting.”  He tastes Chris’s wet skin again.

There’s a pause, and Chris knows that Zach is waiting for him to safe word, to say he wants to slow down or stop.  But he doesn’t want that; he just wants Zach to be pleased with him again.  And so he stays silent.

“Well, _okay_ then,” Zach says, and Chris can hear a hitch of excitement in his voice.  Chris feels Zach's hand grasping his cock firmly again, and very slowly bringing him near orgasm again.  But it’s easier this time to hold off, even when he feels teeth gently against his collarbone.  Zach is impressed.

“Finally,” he says.  “You’re being good again.”  Chris is feeling light in his body; he can feel Zach stimulating him but it’s not intense.  He’s floating.  Zach is happy with him.  “I think you’re wandering, Christopher,” Zach says.  “Are you?  You can nod if you are.”

Chris nods, but it feels like it takes forever.  He starts to lose his sense of time.  He feels Zach kissing him and sliding over him and rutting up against him and it feels good, but mostly because he knows _Zach_ feels good.  When Zach comes, telling him how good he is and how perfect, Chris feels a surge of complete joy.

Later, Zach tells him he came too, with permission, but he doesn’t really remember.

“And you cried,” Zach says, spooning him before they go to sleep.

“I don’t think so,” Chris says.  “I don’t cry.”

“Really?” Zach asks, non-committal.  “My mistake.”  But he clearly thinks he’s right. 

Chris lets it go.  He’s sure it was just sweat.

  
***

  
They go to a party a couple of nights later out in the suburbs, held by friends of Joe’s friends.  People are crowded into the house and around the pool out back.  Joe is late, very late.  Zach has been determined to tell Joe about Chris face to face, and he's been out of town for a while, so Chris is resigned to waiting for however long it takes for Joe to turn up.

Most of the people at the party are in the industry; a few are famous like Zach and Chris.  Chris feels eyes on them both for the first half hour.  Eventually, they are forgotten about, just another couple. 

Zach is having fun, catching up with friends he hasn’t seen for months or years.  Chris enjoys watching him, seeing his face so alive and beautiful.  He enjoys watching others watching Zach, and wanting him, and thinks a proprietary, proud, _Mine_ , when he sees Zach kindly turn down offers half-made through eyes or lips.

“He’s pretty amazing, that boy,” says a voice in his ear, and Chris turns to see a fair-haired, bronzed California stereotype, looking like he’s just come from the beach.  Chris can smell the salt in his sun-bleached hair.  His eyes are a little pink and he looks stoned.

“Yeah, he is,” Chris says, drinking down his beer.

“I’m Adam,” the guy says, sticking out his hand.  Chris shakes it.  “Maybe Zee mentioned me.  We used to go out.”

“Oh,” Chris says.  “No.  I don’t think so.”  But his mind is replaying every single thing Zach’s ever said about people he’s dated.  “I’ve been seeing him for a while now,” he adds.  “When did you –”

“Little while back,” Adam says, smiling his sunny smile.  Chris feels suddenly compelled to break his teeth, but refrains.

“Yeah, no.  Sorry.”

“Weird.  Oh, well.”

Adam is chattering still, but for Chris the only important person in the room right now is Zach, who catches his eye across the room.  He sees Zach flick his gaze back and forth between him and Adam, the flash of recognition in his eyes.  Zach pushes past people and arrives just as Adam is saying, “And I haven’t seen him for a while now.”

Chris has been nodding blankly, not listening but watching Zach his whole way over. 

“Hello, Adam,” Zach says, but he’s still mostly looking at Chris.

“Hi, Zee.  Long time.”

“I guess.”  They all look at each other.  Adam smiles again.

“I’ll leave you to it,” he says.  “Enjoy,” he adds, walking away.

“Was he bothering you?” Zach asks immediately.

Chris shakes his head.  “Not really.  He said you dated.”

“Yeahhhhh.” 

Chris raises an eyebrow.  “Are you really going to make me say it?” he asks.

“No,” Zach sighs.  “Okay.  Honesty Policy: that was the guy.  Six Months.  Like I said, he’s a friend of a friend of a friend, so he pops up at parties from time to time.  I think – I think he likes to make me uncomfortable.”

Chris considers his reaction.  He decides that humor is the best way to deal.  “He’s doing a fantastic job of it,” he says with a grin.  Zach smiles back, but still looks uneasy.

Later, Chris sneaks off to the kitchen.  Zach has been showing him off.  In fact, if Zach says the phrase “My boyfriend,” one more time, Chris is pretty sure that the other guests are going to gag him.  He smiles to himself.  It’s nice to be paraded, but only to an extent.  And he’s still consciously apart from the gay crowd that gathers around Zach, he doesn’t get some of their jokes and hasn’t shared their experiences.  He doesn’t begrudge them anything, but he wants some time alone, to relax, be Chris Pine: Some Guy at a Party instead of Chris Pine: That Guy Who Played Captain Kirk and Dates Zachary Quinto.

The kitchen is quiet, and he talks to a girl there for a while about the different _hors d’oeuvres_ she had planned to make for the party, but didn’t.  Chris finds himself saying that Zach would have liked the organic salmon on black bread rounds.  _You’re as bad as he is,_ he thinks, rolling his eyes internally.

“Too lazy,” the girl laughs.  “That’s my problem.  You want another drink?”  Her name is Julie, or maybe Julia.  She’s the girlfriend of the guy throwing the party.

“Nah, I’m okay,” Chris says.

“I’m going to brave the crowd again for a bit.  My boyfriend gets annoyed if I skulk away from the people too much.  I tell you, people have no respect for introversion in this town.”  She smiles a goodbye.

Chris finishes his drink and looks at the clock.  Joe still hasn’t turned up.  He figures another half hour should be enough for Zach and then they can go.  In fifteen minutes he’ll go back to the crowd himself and play Perfect Hollywood Boyfriend again for Zach.  He smiles fondly.  The kitchen door swings open.

“Hi again,” says a voice, and Chris knows it’s Adam without having to look.

“Hi,” he says briefly.

“Sorry about before,” Adam says, swinging himself easily onto the seat across from Chris.  “I remember when we were going out, Zee didn’t like me talking to other guys.”

Chris looks at him.  “Zachary doesn’t care who I talk to,” he says.  It’s not entirely true, given that Chris is pretty sure he would prefer he not speak to Adam, but he’s not going to let this guy make insinuations like that.

“Must have changed,” Adam says, smiling that smile again that makes Chris’s knuckles itch.  “That’s good news.”

“He hasn’t changed,” Chris says.  “He’s still –”  He breaks off.  _Have you learned_ nothing _from the press tour?_ he asks himself.  Adam is excellent, it seems, at getting information.  “He’s still who he is.”

Adam frowns.  “Sorry to hear that, man.  When we broke up, he told me he was going to try to get some help.”  He drops his eyes speculatively down the V-neck on Chris’s shirt, then looks at his wrists.  Chris fights the urge to pull his cardigan sleeves down, even though there’s no mark on his wrists, not today.  But the very fact that Adam is trying to see something so _private_ is infuriating.

“He doesn’t need help,” Chris says shortly.  He’s starting to feel the anger building up too much, like the times he took a swing at Zach.  That thought helps him stifle it down to a manageable level.  “He’s perfect just the way he is.” 

Adam lets out an amused whistle.  “Perfect?  Wow, Zee’s really done a number on you.”  He pulls a beer out of the fridge, drinks half down.  Without asking, he grabs one for Chris too, and opens it before him on the bench.

“Anyway,” Adam says.  “It’s none of my business.”

“You got that right.”

“I just worry about him.”

Chris stares at him, wondering if he heard correctly.  “Well – the way I was told, _you_ left _him_ , so you can’t have been too worried about him.”

“You said he never mentioned me,” Adam says, smiling at the countertop.

“What do you want?” Chris asks abruptly.  His adrenaline is starting to spike and he really doesn’t want to disappoint Zach and start a fight.  On the other hand, at least Julia (or Julie) would be able to kick the guests out early.  She’d probably thank him.

“Just got some advice for you,” Adam says.  He leans forward on to his forearms on the bench, his muscles flexing as he does.  They are golden and sunny like the rest of him.  “Zee likes to fuck with your mind as much as he does with your body.  So – be careful.”

Chris tries to read his face.  It’s open, warm, blank as the sun.  But Chris knows who he trusts.  “Did he fuck with yours?” he asks coldly.

He sees it then, the little manifestation of envy in Adam’s eyes.  But it’s not the kind of jealousy Chris felt meeting Adam for the first time, it’s something more than that.

“Oh, I get it,” he says.  “You wish you were like him.”

Adam’s mouth twists out of his smile for just a second.  “No way, man,” he says.  “ _No one_ wants to be like Zee.”

“I think you do,” Chris says.  It’s a stupid conversation, but he can’t help it.  “I think you wish you had as much self-acceptance as he does.”  And if he calls Zach ‘Zee’ one more time, Chris is definitely going to lose it.

“Why do you think they picked him to play that psycho on TV?” Adam asks.  Chris shakes his head, astonished at Adam’s complete lack of understanding.

But Adam smiles back, toys with his drink.  “You’re just another boy for him to fuck up,” he says, his expression still pleasant.  “Don’t start thinking there’s anything special there just because he kisses it all better when he’s finished.”  Chris is taken aback by the sheer ugliness in Adam’s words, while his face remains as bright as a clear sky.

It’s at this point that Zach himself walks in with Joe.

“– if you never return my calls or emails.  Hey, there you are!  I told him, Chris,” Zach says, grinning widely before he takes in the full scene.  “About –”

“Get out,” Chris blurts at Adam.  Adam raises his hands, conciliatory, smiles and leaves.

“Hey, Joe,” he says on the way out.

Joe nods, but doesn’t smile. 

Only once Adam has left does Chris realize his hands are cramped and sore in tight fists.  He sees Zach looking at them.  “I really wanted to hit him,” he mutters at Zach.

“But you didn’t.”

“No.  I didn’t.”

Zach hugs him from behind, drops a kiss on his head.  “You’re such a good boy, Christopher,” he says softly in his ear, so softly that Joe can’t hear.

“Hell, _I’ll_ go punch him for you,” Joe says.  “I’ve always hated that guy.  At least it looks like Zach has finally developed some taste in men.”  Chris tries to communicate a take-down order with his eyes, but Joe is distracted by food.  He grabs some cold mozzarella sticks and, chewing, says, “So what the fuck?  You guys have been together for months and I only find out _now_?”

  
***

  
Chris knows he’s quiet in the car on the way back to Silver Lake, but he can’t help it. 

“What did he say?” Zach asks eventually.

“Just stupid things.”  Chris shakes his head.  “I don’t even want to tell you, they were that much bullshit.”

They drive on for another minute, but then Zach says, “Honesty Policy.”

“You’re invoking the Honesty Policy over that little shit?” Chris sneers.  He really doesn’t want to tell Zach what Adam said, because he thinks it will hurt him.

“I’m invoking it because there’s a lot of stuff going on in your mind that you aren’t telling me,” Zach says.  He pulls up outside Chris’s building.  They get out of the car, silent, and go into Chris’s place, silent. 

Zach pulls him forward and kisses him in the middle of the room.  “Tell me,” he says.

“He implied that you were possessive and physically violent.  And that there was something wrong with you.”  Zach nods.  “He said you told him you were going to get help.  When you broke up.”

Zach scrunches his nose.  “I probably did,” he says.  “I was trying to get him to stay.  But I don’t really remember.”

“And he said that you fucked with his mind.  Warned me that you’d do the same to me.”  Chris shrugs.  “If I remember any more I’ll tell you, but right now I’d rather forget about him.”

“Okay,” says Zach.  He lifts Chris’s hands to his mouth and sucks on his fingers.  “Thank you for restraining yourself,” he says.

Chris has to think a second before he realizes what Zach means.  He laughs.  “‘Thanks for not punching out my ex even though he’s a complete tool?’” he rephrases.

“Yes.”  Zach kisses him and then pulls back.  Takes a breath.  “Adam,” he says, but that’s all he says.

“Is a fuckwit of the highest order?” Chris suggests.

“I feel responsible.”  Zach walks to the couch, sits down heavily.

“For him being a fuckwit?”

“Stop being so mean,” Zach says, but Chris can see he’s smirking despite himself.  “And yes.  Now sit down.  I have to lay some Honesty Policy on you.”

Chris is nervous, but he doesn’t know why.  And since he’s the one who instated the Honestly Policy, he has no one to blame but himself.  “You don’t have to,” he says, but Zach gives him a withering look.  “Okay, okay,” he concedes glumly.

“So here’s the thing,” Zach says.  “I made a big mistake with Adam.  I thought he trusted me a lot more than he did.  And I thought he was into it a lot more than he was.  One night I told him about something I wanted to try and he turned around and told me I was sick and damaged, and that he was dumping me.”

“Okay,” Chris says.

“Okay?  That’s it?”

“Well – I’m sorry you went out with a jerk?”

Zach looks slightly frustrated.

“What do you want me to say?” Chris asks.  “The guy’s an idiot.  I love hearing about the stuff you want to try.  I wish you would tell me _more_.”

“That’s not the point.  The thing is, I think – I think I hurt his _soul_ ,” Zach says, his eyes wide.  From anyone else, that declaration would sound ludicrous, but Chris knows how much Zach can get in there, under the skin, the sinew, into the places of the human heart that are more than physical.  “And I didn’t mean to.  I think – maybe I broke him.  He wasn’t always that awful surfer-stoner guy.  That was only afterwards.”

Chris gets up and walks over to Zach, pulls him into a hug against his stomach.  He strokes his hair.  “Why are we still talking about him?”

“I don’t want that to happen to us,” Zach says, sounding muffled.  His lips move against Chris as he speaks, and Chris finds himself getting excited.

“You are not to blame for him being weird after the break up,” Chris says matter-of-factly.  “Besides which, _he_ left _you_.”

“Mm.”  Zach sounds unconvinced.

“Do you honestly think that would happen to me?”

Zach thinks for a while and then says, “No.  You’re too uncoordinated for surfing.”  Chris laughs.  It’s true.

“Anyway, I think you’re wrong,” he says.  “I don’t think he’s broken, I think he’s jealous of you.”

Zach looks up at him like he’s crazy, and Chris puts his fingers over his mouth.

“No, really.  He wants to be like you.  I could see it all over that stupid face of his.  _Okay_ ,” he adds, seeing a familiar look in Zach’s eyes, “I won’t be _mean_.  But I _could_ see it all over his face.  He wishes he was as secure as you are.  He’s frightened of himself.”

Zach is silent for a moment, and then says, “Pine, you are disturbingly insightful sometimes.  I feel like my whole life perspective from the last few years has just shifted.”

“I know.  I’m _awesome_.  And I didn’t hit him, either.  Now come to bed, because I deserve a reward for that.” 

Chris pulls Zach up off the couch towards the bedroom.  Stops him in the doorway, shakes his head.  “But seriously, Zee.  _That_ guy?”

Zach starts laughing.  “Dear _God_ , don’t _ever_ call me that again,” he begs, and kisses Chris hard.

“Okay,” Chris says into his mouth.  “As long as you throw me down on the bed now and be _my_ guy.” 

Zach doesn’t need to be asked twice.


End file.
